Did you know Father’s Day is September which is nine months before Mother’s Day in May. That pretty much speaks for itself, writes Ruta Mave.

Anyone can be a father, it just takes one of the many million swimmers to split the egg, then after that, his job is done. Unfortunately, many males walk away leaving the female to carry the burden for the next nine months in utero and years after the child is born.

The child of a solo mum will know they had a father – a sperm donor. They say the reason a child looks like the father at birth is so he recognises himself and is so marveled stays from ego. There’s no doubt of the mother but who’s the daddy?

The teaching of young boys to go out and sow their seed perpetuates this non-committal action by males who get many girls pregnant. Too many times the male is hailed as a ‘stud’ or ‘lady’s man’ accentuated in a positive light when in fact, he is nothing more than a liar and a coward for not stepping up and taking responsibility. If a female owns her sexuality and has many boyfriends but ensures she does not get pregnant she is portrayed negatively as a harlot or slut. Interestingly, there is no descriptive word of disgust for a male ‘slut’.

There are some thought provoking laws being implemented in America currently on the right of a woman to make choices for her own body even if the carrying of a foetus is medically dangerous to her life. Much is being said about the woman and her moral duty to preserve and protect the heartbeat of the foetus at whatever stage after conception. It has even led to a woman being convicted for having a miscarriage, which is one of the risks of pregnancy and why you don’t tell anyone in the first three months because there is a statistical and medical likelihood of a miscarriage occurring. The laws and the punishments have been invoked and applied to women but not once has the man been called up to be responsible for their crucial part in creating that life. Even those who have forced their way on the women in rape, incest or abuse are asked to be accountable – all blame and consequences are the women’s not the father. It’s another witch-hunt.

So maybe it shouldn’t be called Father’s Day, because no man deserves recognition or special privileges and acknowledgment for fertilising an egg. It should instead be called dad’s day, because it takes a special man to be a dad.

A Dad is one who gets involved with the child, throws them too high above their head and races too fast when pushing the pram. Dad’s have a different language and view on life that breaks the rules and conspires behind the mother’s back to raid the fridge and lounge around watching sports and eating all the biscuits at once. A Dad will teach kids about taxes by eating 38 per cent of their ice cream. 

They are a sons’ first hero and a daughters first love, until they become teenagers. Then the boy sees a man with faults wearing a cape, and the daughter will bring home boys who reflect her dad’s behaviour towards her mum. This is where and how generational abuse occurs, son like father, daughter marries father image.

By the time a man realises his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. A loving Dad cares for the child no matter what they do, where they go and who they become. An ultimate test of loving dads today, is how they react to their rainbow child.

A Dad to celebrate does not have to be by DNA alone. Adopted, feeding, step, bonus fathers, uncles and coaches can also be a pillar of strength throughout children’s lives. At age 12-13 years, a boy is looking from his father to other male figures for guidance, this is a good time to introduce the secondary fatherly influence through sports or church. Boundaries need to be set. Respect and accountability taught, by showing the way of leadership and protection for the family without the use of force, coercion or violence.

This is where gangs gain power by offering young boys a place to become a man. Without a strong dad in our children’s life, we can lose them to bad influences.

Dad of the year is Clive Nicholas. Coach of Avatiu Eels rugby and league teams. His exceptional leadership of young men won bronze at the Pacific Mini Games despite travel challenges and facing strong competition. He should have been the Coach and his team Sports Achievement of the Year 2024 because of the pride and place he created for the players and the nation.